I'm going to try to post at least monthly to keep everyone updated on Caleb's milestones. I'll also be posting tons of pictures to Picasa, so let me know if you want to be included in the "share album" e-mails (or just subscribe to my profile on
Picasa).
Caleb’s Birth Story
My water broke at about 10:30 am on Monday, Oct. 17, 2011. For a full 24 hours, I had random, weak contractions but certainly wasn't in progressive labor. The risk of infection steadily increases after your water breaks, so we were excited that our baby would arrive soon and a little nervous about possibly needed to be induced the next day. I spent the day doing “birth projects” like working on my wedding album, adding last minute food/supplies to our birth bag, and trying to rest up for labor. Meanwhile, Kayle went to work, and I went for a well-timed massage appointment. (I told the massage therapist that I would give her a big tip if she put me into labor!) Tami Hagglund also came over that morning to see me and hang out a bit.
Around 10:30 am on Tuesday (Oct. 18), I went for a check at Puget Sound Birth Center and still was not in active labor. Since mama and baby looked and sounded good and my cervix was soft and dilated 2 cm, Val gave me a lemon verbena/castor oil shake to kick-start labor. I needed to be pretty far along by 9:30 that night or I would have to give birth in the hospital due to the high risk of infection. Well, that concoction did its job and within an hour or two I had regular, pretty intense contractions that were 2-3 minutes apart. Kayle and I went out to a last lunch date at CoHo Cafe, but we didn't talk much (I was decently distracted and spacey). I think I spooked the waitress a little by being in labor at the restaurant. I wasn’t making noise or anything, but I was clearly very pregnant and breathing harder than normal while staring out the window a lot. By the time, Kayle and I got home, I had a few more contractions and was ready to go to the birth center. Kayle wanted me to take a walk around the block or maybe try breathing through a few more contractions at home, but they were coming fast and getting hard for me to handle without female support, so I insisted that we leave RIGHT AWAY!
At the birth center, labor progressed quickly. I had a lot of wonderful help from Kayle, my midwife (Val), student midwives (Sarah and Brooke) and two friends (Jenny Almasy and Nicole Drewry) who came to witness and help. It was especially exciting for Nicole and Jenny since this was their first birth and both were in their first trimester of their own pregnancies. I felt very loved and supported by everyone, although, as labor progressed, I became less aware of exactly who was sitting next to me all the time, giving me water to sip, and breathing along to keep my rhythm. Kayle stayed with me the entire labor except for a brief break to eat dinner (I made him go away then- I couldn’t stand the smell of his pasta). He reminded me to breathe slowly and steadily, sat behind me in the Jacuzzi, and told me I was doing a good job. From the pictures, I can see that he (and everyone else) was also grinning ear-to-ear nearly the entire time.
During active labor, I changed positions often (jacuzzi, toilet, birthstool, bed...), and, nearly 5-6 hours in, I suddenly felt very scared and overwhelmed. An epidural sounded very tempting, and I wasn’t sure I could make it unmedicated if I still had a long way to go. The midwives asked to check my progress for the first time (risk of infection) and Sarah announced I was 5 cm with a very soft cervix. That felt like a crushing blow, because labor felt much harder than that and I couldn’t imagine it getting worse. Fortunately, Val checked me again about 5 minutes later and said I was 8 cm. I recognized transition from the description in my birth class (threw up a popsicle, felt scared/overwhelmed) and was very relieved to hear I was right about getting close to pushing. Just checking me gave me the boost and a couple extra centimeters. One funny example was how the midwives were excellent at reframing: when I threw up my popsicle, they gladly celebrated the extra “1/2 centimeter.”
I went back in the Jacuzzi for the rest of transition and started feeling the urge to push there. The midwives told me to put my finger inside to feel the progress his head was making. It felt so squishy, but I was relieved to figure out how to move him closer to the world. Caleb's head was also quite big, so I ended up having to push hard for about 3 hours, first in the tub, then on the birth stool and bed. It was encouraging to see him crowning in the mirror, and labor still felt manageable until the very end. During this time, the phrase from my birth class that kept popping into my head was “rest and be thankful.” Apparently, some moms experience an extended break between transition and pushing during which they fall asleep for a few hours. That didn’t happen for me, but the contractions started coming further apart and I was able to lean back against Kayle, close my eyes, and rest between efforts. I tried to let myself go and just “rest and be thankful,” without worrying about what pain might come next or how much longer everything was going to take. However, Caleb having spent several hours in the birth canal, things were eventually getting rather urgent. I moved once again to the birth stool and Val started coaching me to get him out quicker. She mentioned an episiotomy might be necessary if Caleb didn’t arrive soon since his heartbeat indicated some distress and his head was clearly bruised and swollen. Everyone, including me, prayed for strength to deliver him soon and healthy. This was the second time in my labor that it really felt hard, but the urgency of the moment left me no time to dwell in self-pity or fear. I just abandoned myself in trust that God would give me strength for the moment.
After 5 solid pushes in a row with just a breath or two in between, Caleb Christopher Hinkle was born on October 18 at 10:18 pm weighing 8 lbs. 12.5 oz. and 21 inches long. The midwives jumped into action as he lay on the floor on a towel while we gazed at our new son. Kayle was supporting me from behind on the birth stool when he was born. At first, the baby was a little blue and gave only the slightest cry and kick. We found out later his Apgar score was initially only 4 out of 10. However, in 5 minutes, with some rubbing and encouragement, Caleb started breathing better, pinked up, and moved a bit more, now scoring an 8 out of 10. He was then placed in my arms, still attached by the umbilical cord and gunky, but the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. Kayle and I held him together, our little family of 3.
My favorite song I listened to leading up to and during part of labor was “Stronger” by Mandisa. The chorus was so fitting and encouraging for me:
“When the waves are taking you under,
Hold on just a little bit longer.
I know that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger.
The pain ain’t gonna last forever,
And things will only get better
Believe me, this is gonna make you stronger.”
I felt and still feel so much stronger as a woman and proud of myself for hanging on until the end and giving birth with no pain medication. How sweet to lean into God and my husband while pushing and find the courage to persevere!
Later, Kayle was able to cut the umbilical cord between the clips and I delivered the placenta with barely a grunt while Caleb was still in my arms. A shot of Pitocin helped to slow the bleeding, but I didn’t care just then what happened to me. I was so relieved the labor was over and that our baby was finally here.
Both mama and baby were a little worse for wear after that long pushing ordeal. Caleb's head was very cone-shaped and tender. Mama was exhausted, fainted on the toilet, and required stitches for a 2nd and minor 3rd degree tear (which they were able to do at the birth center). Because of my fear of needles and very rattled and exhausted nerves, the stitches almost felt worse to me than the labor itself, even though Kayle and Jenny held my hands, Val was gentle and careful, and the numbing agent worked like a charm. I also needed a catheter to drain my bladder that first time. With a low fever and another fainting spell, they kept us at the birth center overnight and we were able to go home (gingerly) in the morning.
There were some more sweet moments in the birth center, despite the tough recovery. We blew out candles on Caleb’s 0th birthday dirt cake and enjoyed pizza as our first meal celebration. Tami came to see the baby and take Jenny and Nicole home in the middle of the night. The midwives checked on us often and marveled at how “tough” mama was (even though I didn’t feel so tough).
Perhaps the hardest thing for me was feeling a bit numb in my heart at first from being so physically exhausted. I expected to experience a rush of love and warm, fuzzy affection at the very beginning, but it took me a few days to heal up enough to switch out of survival mode and into full-time mommy mode. We also dealt with painful engorgement, crazy hormones, and difficulty breastfeeding (which we found out later was from Caleb being severely tongue-tied). Thankfully, Caleb never lost too much weight and quickly started growing into a strong boy. At 3 weeks, he already weighed almost 10 lbs.
One of those tough times of feeling discouraged as a new mom, I was listening to “My Jesus, I Love Thee.” One of the verses says:
“In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever adore thee in Heaven so bright
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow
If ever I loved thee, my Jesus, ‘tis now.”
I sensed in that moment that God was telling me that Caleb is one of the jewels on my heavenly crown. Somehow, that revelation made all the tears and pain of being his mom make a little more sense. Perhaps, God was using this difficulty to make me stronger too as I slowly learned to die to selfishness and sacrifice for him and others out of love.
At about 1 month, we have now enjoyed visits from the Maxey and Hinkle grandparents as well as Caleb’s Oskamp great-grandma. Kayle stayed home to take good care of me and Caleb for a week before I felt strong enough to brave the day alone while he went back to work. We made it to community group when Caleb was just 1 week old and missed only 1 week of church, because we were anxious to introduce him to our friends and see our community for prayer and friendship. Our church family has been providing us with all sorts of meals and support including Marilee’s late-night visit to a crying, hormonal basket-case (me, not Caleb). Kayle and I are also looking forward to visits from Dani and Kevin on Dec. 15 and Kristen and Nick on Dec. 24. Caleb got his tongue clipped recently, and the two of us are getting the hang of breastfeeding, sleeping when we can, and being together all day. I finally feel like a loving mom, but there’s still a lot of adjusting to do as I learn to take better and better care of him and myself.